Guinea pigs are crap

I'm all for vivisection in the name of medical research. I don't agree with testing cosmetics on animals, although rats do look better in mascara.

I'm saddened by the big news today - the guinea pig farm closure. Those ALF people are idiots. They now want the guinea pigs to be released into loving homes. But who would want one?

I hate the little fuckers. I had a friend at school, Greg, who had a guinea pig which landed on its head when he dropped it once. He thought that was cool, and it was.

I'd love to drop-kick one. And throw one against a wall. Hard. And propel one out of my 11th floor window. And squeeze one in my fist until it be dead. That would show them who is best.

Balls to animal testing. Bring on animal torture. Chimps, swans and terrapins should next be made to suffer. Ick.